Friday, June 19, 2009

Nattering on

Back in the mid eighties I had reached a stage when a few decisions had to be made. Non of them easy, the biggest one was taken out of my hands, that of having my pelvis and right leg repaired. My marriage to my ex- wife needed to be sorted and what would I do for the future.

I had been managing a manufacturing company for a couple of years prior to having the necessary surgery. I lost that job. It was expected ,but luckily I had as usual a few pennies put away so could cope for a while. The septicaemia I contracted during the operation wasn’t expected, neither was the encephalitis nor the 5 months in hospital. The brain swelling had caused some loss of brain function and I had to learn to walk again. It took a while to get some of my memories sorted out and even to this day my short term memory isn’t that good. I cannot remember names and numbers very well soon after learning them, although weeks , sometimes months later I do. Strange how the brain works.

The most pressing thing at the time was to dissolve my marriage. I hadn’t seen my ex for a while and we were strangers now.I wasn’t in a relationship, but it was senseless staying married when 12 000km and 3 years separated us. The divorce was quick, not cheap in legal costs but I don’t think there was any animosity felt by either one of us. I hope that she has had a wonderful life and has achieved what she wants from it. For myself, I have had a good one so far, I think it has given me pleasure and I have no regrets. I have all that I need , a loving wife, two healthy children and a home of my own. Maybe I should have been more of an achiever, but then again what more could a person want than to have all that you really need to feel pleasantly comfortable.

Strangely as I meander through my life I have found that when things seem tough that something has always come around and was the solution .It has always been that way. I cannot really complain about the last few years of illness. When  it looked like my walking days were over a few years ago I found a surgeon that had a new operation that might fix me. Alright, I died a couple of times on the table but only the good die young. I guess being bad has it’s points. It was a painful and often very uncomfortable period of my life. But looking back I sailed through okay.

Even haemophilia hasn’t been so bad, I will admit when I was young it was, but over the years with the different medications it has less repercussions. Umm when I’m actively bleeding and going through hellish pain I might say otherwise  on another day.

Even the hepatitis hasn’t been more than I could handle. Still carrying a very active form of it and being given only a couple of years life expectancy 7 years ago I am still around.

A few unpleasant years of failed treatments (117 weeks) hasn’t been a pleasure. But it has been amazing that I have managed to cope financially the last 8 years with only a little more than a years normal income during that time. I even still have a job of sorts, well the last time I checked I did. Not well enough to care about whether I have or have not a job now days.
So how is it with me. I’m a little subdued, very tired all the time. My skin itches continuously.My stomach swells up like a Christmas balloon on the occasional days. Joints hurt, eyesight failing. Gaining weight but not eating. Legs and hands are attached to someone else's body, so it seems. I just feel when it hurts. I cannot sleep at all with out sleeping pills, constant reflux, headaches and my balance is not so good. Hair has got much thicker than before all the drugs. Hooray for hair. personally I don’t care if I was bald. On a good day I can do the washing, even hang it out, lots of washing when you live in a home full of women. I still cook when I can , though eating isn’t high on my list of too do’s.I can sit for about an hour then I must stand, sitting is very uncomfortable for me , as is laying for any length of time. My liver is slowly packing in and I guess my kidney is high up on the list as well. My urine is very dark and stinks and any bowl movement is reminiscent of a three month old babies. Same colour , odour and consistency. I guess I am changing my race as well, from the knees down I am African, stomach very European and shoulders upwards Asian. Yes I am becoming a chameleon. Got the scaly skin to prove it.

So what is my plan for the future. Well visiting the Uk is still high on the list, although the finances took a wallop with Tracy’s recent operations. Sorting out our passports has been a bit of a up hill battle. I now have to get my two girls sorted on their way in life. I don’t know how much a kick up the arse or leaving them to their own devices is necessary. They can’t make up their minds what they want to do, Tracy says let them decide, I’m more for a good boot start. They will hate me for it, but then that is what a parents job is at this age, I can put up with a little hate as long as they gain a good future.

All in all, I am managing, things could be better , they could be worse. But I still smile and have a lot of amusement for life left. All is not lost. Complaining gets you no where. Self pity achieves nothing. So I am just getting on with living or dieing as each takes it’s look at me.

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