Saturday, May 16, 2009

May 16

I guess it may be of some interest to others how the state of my health is due to the Hepatitis infection I carry. Well I cannot claim to be enjoying my days at the moment.  The dwell time between a thought and an action is getting increasingly longer. The old brain cells are tired and  to maintain a clarity and progression in a thought line  is probably nearly non existent. Any advantage I might have gained over the virus by doing my treatments is no longer obvious or even noticeable. I guess my still being alive is what it was all about in the first place and that has been achieved. Most of the joints now are stiff and  quite painful. My right shoulder is nearly non functional, as just lifting it is agony,it feels like it comes out of joint . The feeling of nausea and a fullness of the stomach is ever present. My eye sight is failing . I now have a continuous headache, which I guess is due to  a insufficiency of some essential metabolic salts.  My skin is now the texture of shark skin and no matter how much I shower I kick up a dust storm of skin scales where ever I go. The sense of touch in my hands is that of feeling like I am wearing thick rubber gloves. The feet are in a bad way, they are almost an alien part of me . A dark brown to purple hue now colours them fully. To look at they appear almost mummified. The toe nails are thick and crumbly, misshaped  and unbelievably thick. I had scrapings done and had it tested but there is no bacterial reason for what is going on, so no recommendations by my doctor. All in all it is just a part of a slow degeneration. Physically, mentally and emotionally tired I feel a little world weary at the moment.  But I can’t complain, there are many who would wish to be as healthy as I am at present even though I am not feeling the part personally. If I had to have a moan it would be that having the side affects of Hcv is bad enough and the day has many trials. It is for the most part just about manageable, but the added stress over and on top of it of finding the financial where withal to lead a near normal life is spirit breaking.  I often wonder when it comes to salaries how the multi million sums gained by some peoples can be justified when others who are more productive barely scrape a living. How for example is the 5 week effort of an actor be worth tens of millions , when as a functional human being this actor would be rated as a pillock and yet the so called blue collar jobs are rated so low as that barely a living wage and more often not even that is earned. In my own words a shit shoveler has more worth to society at a practical and functional level than any star,politician, entertainer etc.  A shoveler’s job is more important so shouldn’t  the income be more. Any how I am loosing the pluck for any more today so I will just end.

No comments: