Monday, March 2, 2009

well it's another day.

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This is definitely not my work station. But it could be a picture of how my life is at present. I need to clean up my act. The only good thing that has occurred  is I have had fewer bleeding episodes. I am getting progressively more tired and seem to feel washed out all the time. The feeling of tingling and numbness has spread further . Have you ever laid on a hand or arm and you get that pins and needles ,dead mans hand sort of numbness? That's how it feels , but much worse in my feet. The continuous headache is  always present and my eye sight is failing fast. I have had a doctor check me up and do tests and he can only say it is probably side affects of the Hep c virus. He can't be sure. Depressingly I have been reading lately that there is more evidence that the virus does infect and interfere with the brain and central nervous system.

I am finding it harder to control the cramps in my hands and legs. They actually leave me bruised in a way that you can see the bruises. Strange. I have become used to the way my body swells and then subsides. Haven't found how to stop it yet but will I am sure. I am ,though ,getting more frustrated. I hate what is going on with my body and wish that the virus gave you purple spots or something. I will brain the next person who says I am looking well. Also I have heard that there has been talk that I have gotten lazy. People even ask my wife how is that lazy husband of her's doing. I have issues enough with my lack of energy and drive that I don't need back biting added to it. I've also heard that I am into
criminal activities, that's how I can still manage financially. Would never do that sort of thing as it would pray on my mind all the time. Funny how people think isn't it.

I have managed to a certain extent to return to work , but not with any great success as I tire and get clumsy as the day progresses. My mind sort of goes into a limbo and doesn't think ,just goes about in automatic function. Also we have been having an almost continuous heat wave and I over heat , that I know for definite is the virus. It was one of my earliest symptoms and I love the heat normally. Keeping my saliva glands going is also a problem as water doesn't lubricate and my mouth is always dry. I am forever having to wipe my lips as a scum builds up around them. Yuck!  One thing that looks better is that my whole upper torso is now pink, the gaps in the blotches have totally filled in so I look as if I just had a little to much sun. It looked bad before ,big red patches which looked contagious. I found that by using a oily shower gel my legs don't itch so much and it is a relief not feeling the need to scratch all day. I don't know if other people with Hep find that they don't shed skin normally, instead of shedding dust it is as if you shed scales.I shower 3 times a day most days, but still have dry scaly skin. And yes I do cream up like a lady with skin nourisher etc. I even smell like a woman most days , I pinch the lotions from my wife's supply., men's products are over priced.

Re-treating and doing another protocol doesn't seem to be on the cards for me at the moment. I have pushed to be on one but as of yet South Africa doesn't seem to be on any trials list at the moment so I have to wait for the next drug to be released for use.Trying not to feel sorry for myself is becoming increasingly harder. Maybe it is fortunate that I can still see the funny side of things.My wife is a strong Christian and keeps on saying that god has a reason for everything. I just ask but is it for my good or is it just perverse and does everything need to have a reason.Things just happen.

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