Tuesday, March 3, 2009

It is as it is

Last night another youngster from my girls group of friends committed suicide. As usual the news came  late in the evening ,I had been in pain all day so I had already taken my pain medications and sleeping pills. Once again this youngster was a regular to my home. My house is always full of kids , it gets a bit much at times, but I rather have my children here with their friends than out on the streets doing I don't know what. Unable to drive I was stuck at home whilst my wife drove my daughters looking for  one of the lads who took the death of the last too die very badly. Not two weeks have passed and another death. Gladly he was safe and his parents are taking him too a councillor to help him through this time.

I wish to thank my friends who chatted to me last night . I had to stay awake just in case I was needed and the tablets were already working.  Thankfully there was no more trauma and after a short chat with the girls  went to bed. It was mentioned last night that there was a higher preponderance of mental instability now days. I don't agree, it is easy to put a label on events and assign a blame. I myself blame it on social instability. The breaking down of the family unit. Few families stay within shouting range of each other as it did in the past. Miles separate the families more often. Children grow up not knowing who or where their relatives are. In the past birth and death was all natural in the cycle of a family's life. Children saw first hand what was going on and were passed on the knowledge of being part of a group of related people with their place in that group defined. That has passed most of the present generation by. Especially in the first world. The third world is catching up quickly on the trap of this life style and it is now beginning to show where the individual now only takes responsibility for them selves and has no responsibility to the family.
The family was the security base which one could return too. It was a place of familiarity . With the age of some of it's members came the knowledge  of how to deal with daily affairs. It was a place to belong and feel loved. Death and birth were family events and not something one just saw on the screen . The coping mechanism was learnt through out the junior years. What is happening here in South Africa is happening world wide. In search of personal wealth the families are fractionating , responsibility is shed when it is convenient and family's are no longer tied. Marriage is only a contractual piece of paper giving certain legal rights to parties contained in the paper that is signed. I will not be two faced about it . I was married twice but the intention was to stay married not to end one. There were no children , if there was it may have been different. Children are left on their own to much today. They leave an empty house at the start of the day and often come home to an empty house and have to look for them selves till the parents come home.  Tv  is the only company and is generally the only thing making any noise at night. No communication , just a group of strangers the only thing in common are blood ties. The parents are to tired or too stressed or  busy catching up that there is no time between work and sleep to get to know the children. Wealth is measured in ownership and having stuff is all that matters. My question is , who is it for, what is the point of having something when it is not used . What is the sense of earning fat salaries if all you do is buy things and work. Is wealth worth the price. 
Who do children have to go to when they need some body. Who is at home that can just be there  and see that something is wrong . Could you recognise it in your own child. Does the child know that they can come to you and you will listen. Listen , don't just hear, understand don't just agree. There is more love in a hug or a kiss , a squeeze a shared laugh than in the worlds most expensive gift. Trust and love is earned , it is freely given but rarely received.

We are here not for what we have to gain in life but that what we can  give to our futures. Our futures are in the children and sadly it seems what we leave for them is not ourselves but just a pause.

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