Well I can not be happy with how I have been over the last couple of months. Christmas time has been for years a time which I cannot enjoy. I think there is a certain period which all of us experience a down turn in our attitudes. I have had some pretty bad experiences over these few weeks at the end of most years and I guess have grown to expect the worse.
I had allowed myself to slide to low into self pity and for once just gave up. That in itself is not the way I cope with things. I don't rise too challenges I tend to just dive in and get things going. Not being able to affect any advance in my being able to get on and fight the virus drove me into depression. Not clearing ,after all my attempts too, was not the high point in my life at the time. But I had always up to now another option of fighting it.
One evening two weeks ago I was laying out watching the stars and I saw one of the night flying birds high in the sky against the lights cast up by the city. It seemed an impossible task for what was a creature of the daylight to navigate it's way home. But it flew on with a determination and a confidence that this is it's route. But for a few minutes it seemed too loose direction and then regain it's way and carried on. A little like what is happening with me. I lost my sense of direction and didn't know where I was.
Fundamentally I can only survive if I keep slogging on and even if it is against hard days, can only be who I am. I am an ordinary guy , with an ordinary life. I have a family, a job even a few friends. If I haven't got health so be it but I am lucky and I hold dear that which I already have . Many strive for that which I take for granted, those things you cannot buy.
I am amazed that I am well loved by many. I have received many little messages of friendship and support these last few weeks.
BIG LUMP IN THE THROAT TIME FOR ME. I have to thank you all for caring about someone such as I. I can get by without you ,but you have all made doing so a much better path to follow.
I was also very surprised how many actually read this page. I hope that I can keep you entertained and feel that in many respects we are all under the skin not much different. I have so many stories still as yet untold. Like the one when my dad drove into the backside of an elephant (didn't hurt it mind) and almost wet his pants when it sat on his bonnet of his car. Or the times as a kid I used to go line trolling for fish by walking in the shallow waters of the bays and was passed by a little dolphin which was being chased in ankle deep water by a shark. Sharks have a funny huffing sound when they exert them selves. Well today isn't really a good day to write as it is too nice outside and I am heading there. I will continue later.