Sunday, June 22, 2008

Well it is winter in South Africa.

9739140_400x400 Someday's it starts off like this, you get that sickening feeling of panic.This is one thing that had great influence on me when I was on treatment. Just the simplest of tasks seems a matter of life or death. I wouldn't say that it is treatment related, it actually started a few years before my first treatment drugs and continues, though intermittently, today.I found no solution to it and just basically hid away, shouldering no responsibility by taking no action. Then a feeling of guilt arrives, I feel lazy, not that it is a symptom of something else.
Guilt is one feeling that most heppers carry with them,you must of been responsible for the disease you have caught.There must be a reason why you of all people have caught it, in reality it doesn't matter. Maybe in a way of trying to prevent others from transmission by the same way, but knowledge can only be passed on by those who have learned the hard way. GUILT SOLVES NOTHING.
Treatment or the attempt at treatment does. Treatment isn't for the sake of killing the virus.It is for the sake of life itself, death will be a fact in everyone's life it is the nature of things. But the manner and to some respect the time of death can be influenced by taking some form of positive action. Positivity to any adversity doesn't make things easier but does make it more achievable. I've done 3 treatments now, am I clear I am not positive about that, but one thing that I am, is that I shall and will enjoy my life. It is all that matters in reality, wealth and fame, social position doesn't elevate you above others when it comes to the basic. Too live your life, too take a sense of being you ,along with life  , is all important. Happiness is the only satisfying thing you can take from life. What gives or brings you happiness is the goal too achieve. You can't buy what death takes away.Fame will not bring you peace in life and social position doesn't matter one bit when your dead. So live .love and settle for happiness, be satisfied and less stressed about what you think other people think. They have their own burdens and are they happy.

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