Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My thoughts on life with Hcv.

A thought has crossed my mind often lately.Well more of a realisation of what I already knew and one that those who know me ,often don't accept. The various hepatitis virus I have caught at one time or another has left some permanent affects and no matter how much or how well I have responded to fighting it will always be there. Treatment of Hepatitis is not a cure , it is a prevention of escalation. The effects of the virus will in some aspects always remain. What is done is done. I agree there is an easing of of most of the systems damaged, but it isn't a cure, only the body can do the repairs necessary and quite often it is not able to.

I think that in someway, we go into treatment with an expectation of being restored.For those of us who have been chronic for a long time we may have unfortunately been damaged by the virus. We have had symptoms for years, often just ignored as being just a weakness in ones self and we have lived around them, getting used to it. We no longer know what it was to feel "NORMAL" as in life with out this bug at all. I think our expectations of Tx is far more than what will ever be achieved in truth. It is hard for those around us to realise that even with svr we may not be able to be who we were . A cure, after all, is an end to the illness ,miracles aside ,I have the scars.
For me I have had enough of treatments. I am tired of having to recover from one thing or another. I have got into the habit of excuses and saying sorry for the inadequacies in my health. It is not going to improve, in time if it doesn't get worse I will be able to adjust and regain a sense of normalcy. Last week I felt good to go , just a little too much exertion on the weekend and it was all backwards again.  Tonight I feel ok ,tomorrow who knows.
Life is fickle and you can't always plan or adjust for it. You soon find out that you are not even an itch worth scratching by the government. These people who will not think twice of jailing you for not paying taxes are the same ones who don't know who you are if you need something in return.
Believe me though, I do feel treatment is worth it, but the support of those being treated needs a serious look at by the powers that be. It is a fight from beginning to the end, it starts with the testing, obtaining treatment and sustaining treatment. You can't rest and just be ill, hcv is the quiet illness, those who haven' t actually had it have no feeling for what it is. So how can a form processor do anything but process and treat you as if your out to con some one.Job security and financial worries come with the illness, the likely out come of this is not satisfaction of security but an anti -depressant pill. Laughable isn't it. Yes there is truth in the saying there are only two things in life you can't cheat, Death and the tax man.The taxman even taxes you in death so he has the final say.

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