Friday, March 7, 2008

Somewhere over the rainbow...

Today, the 7th of March 2008, is the day.One that seemed so far away has finally occurred, I have crossed the finish line. Funnily it  doesn't give me any satisfaction at all. There is an uncanny feeling of lack of achievement. I guess it is only right, I haven't achieved anything  what I have done is endured.  I can't say that my life has been improved, that my expectations  are being realised. This is the limbo land time. I am living under the rainbow, the reward at the end is as far away it seems, as it always was. But of course it is just a matter of my own perspective.
How do I feel physically now at this moment.
Tired would be an understatement, as TX progressed I found that several sx became at the moment permanent features.
I have this feeling that my skin is foreign to me, that it is a bag and my real skin is underneath. The sensation of touch has altered. It has become almost a second hand sensation, it feels that there is a delay from the  action of touch to the actual response of feel .My palms and soles of my feet feel extra thick, a sensation of very slight pins and needles always present.
My hearing has become more acute, but the inside of the ear has become dry and flaky, there is a sensation of something walking around in my earhole . My facial sinus seem to be going from being as wet as Noah's flood to being as dry as the Namib desert.The tongue is raw, the inside of the lips also. my gums have receded a small amount but thankfully I have good teeth. I have  lost about 2/3 the thickness of my hair, but still have all my dome covered. Two big hairy caterpillars have parked them selves above my eyes and my lashes look as if I am wearing mascara. The taste of everything has changed, certain food types are now unpalatable to me leaving a rancid taste.
Arthritis has developed in my joints, not severe but sore. I notice it. I at first lost some weight, in total about 20 kg, Haven't put it back on, but I swell up like a blimp with water retention.
Bleeding episodes have increased, both in severity and time.
Brain fatigue is daily, very frustrating, I forget words or the direction of my thinking. No appetite ,no drive, no energy. Do not ask me today if I am any better after TX. Ask in 3 months.


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