Wednesday, February 27, 2008

When does your left hand know what the right is doing?

The changes in personality, the switch that throws the change is hard to figure. Maybe in my case I have had always this borderline psychotic temperament. The Jeckel and  Hyde syndrome.  I know I have that fault in my personality, the streak of innate ruthlessness, cruelty and all consuming viciousness. Off treatment, it was directed and controllable, a learned mechanism which protected me from being affected by anyone or anything. On treatment I am dangerous to be around,  I will kill when one of the rage's attack,I have kept myself away from people because of this. What throws my switch seems to have no pattern. I've tried anti this and that, doesn't work, anti-d's just make you slower to react, they don't relieve they just muffle what is going on. Self introspection has no value either, it's as if TX allows a lowering of your psychic walls and for a short period you suffer from daemonic  possession.   If you have a belief structure that revolves around a supreme being and acts of good spirits why is it scoffed at that psychosis may be a form of possession. It figures that good and evil must be self perpetuating neither being  able to be viable without the other. I can't think of anything that hasn't got a direct opposite.
I am coming to the end of this present protocol, und. at the moment, maybe in 5 years I will feel I've achieved Svr.
Why wait so long? I have experienced relapse myself, know of relapses personally after a year, 2-4 years of Svr. In 5 years if I relapse it will not matter to me. I have already exceeded my expected life time and I am still written in the book of life.
If it looks like the entry is going to be erased then I shall enjoy what is left and then when it becomes a burden will end it. This is not a form of depression, it is something that I have always been prepared to do, death is not a mystery for me.. It is just a readjustment by nature and a chance to recycle the investment in energy that nature has made in me.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Quote by Robin Williams
"God gave us a penis and a brain, but not enough blood to use both at the same time

Crystal Forest Prayer In Times of Stress and confusion

Author Unknown

O Goddess, Mother of the green earth, blue waters, and silver moon; be with me
now in my time of need.
Stress and confusion have taken over my life.
I feel the weight of life's burdens pulling me down.
I am afraid
But, I know you hear me now.
Your loving kindness is making the weight easier to bear.

My God, Father of the dark forests, and shimmering mountains,
Impart to me some of your spiritual strength
So I may get through this time of crisis,
And get back to my normal life once more.
Blessed Be.

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