Monday, January 14, 2008

Life as it is

In my own personal view the worse aspect of Hcv treatment isn't the general side affects, it is the depression it brings. By nature I am a pessimist, expecting and planning for the worse case scenario. Not trustful of others I lay no reliance  on them. Pain and general malaise I can handle, never known anything else, but the depression........
With me it started with a general feeling of panic, not something you could actually point too and say that is the cause. Always an insomniac the progressive deterioration of of my ragged sleep pattern went un-noticed. Exhaustion set in, this was over and above the affects of Hcv and treatment. Being self reliant I started questioning everything I did, feeling that I should make more of an effort in everything. My concentration went out the door, this constant indecision interfering constantly in my day. I started to have blank episodes, when I started to feel faint all the time it was enough, I wasn't safe to work. My driving suffered,indecision and judgement made that dangerous. So on top of everything I had the worry of loosing my job, no income, progressive cirrhosis, stress induced bleeds. The death of my mother and a massive bleed knocked the rug out from under me. I had a general breakdown, am I recovered? It depends on what you called recovered? I exist today, I get by. How do I do it, I haven't the foggiest idea. I just get up and push on through until I sleep. Tomorrow will be much of the same. I have lost who I was and don't know who I am  or who I will be tomorrow.Really Like You fGe_Fluffy

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